I have got to stop caring about what others think of me. It is getting to a point where it hurts to breathe. Maybe not literally but metaphorically you know? Everyone has been getting on my case I'm like "I have more things to worry about then the state of my room!" and I even overheard my dad say "Shes an embarassment to us," he doesnt know the half of it.
I still have my blade and there have been at least 2 times when I have thought maybe just once more or there was even one time when I thought I wonder...if I just move it along a vein and the only thing that stopped me is the thought of the fact that there are others going through worse than having a family that sees them as an "embarassment", having a mother that doesnt care and a step mum that doesnt like them, constantly having to deal with all of the "Whats wrong with her? She has to change." and not remembering what it feels like to be happy.
I've tried to be strong but maybe I'm just not good enough. Maybe I was never strong to begin with and maybe just maybe (though I feel like its a possibilty) I dont deserve to be happy.
I spend more time fighting back tears and pretending to be okay then actually genuinly feeling okay.
The GC concert at least thats something to look forward to.
