This recent business with my "step-mother" Natasha has sparked a fuse in my brain and got me thinking. What of my real mother? I've decided to tell you about her and you're probably thinking Why is she spilling her heart out to a bunch of strangers? but for me it is easier to tell people who don't know me and I don't have to face then to get my emotions out in the open to others.
My parents divorced when I was about 2 1/2 and I went to live with my mother. She wasn't a very good mum to be honest and we were in and out of hotels, and ate one meal a day of fried egg and chips (My older siblings used to take care of me while she went out doing god knows what and thats all they could cook). It was hard and one by one we moved to live with my dad. She used to visit weekly and we all liked this arrangement until I was 5. One day she decided to stop visiting then a month later show up at our doorstep bringing her boyfriend over and tried to make me call him daddy. I'm not stupid, I know who my dad is and I refused. This sparked an arguement which ended with her leaving in a huff, and her new boyfriend with a broken nose.
This may sound uber cheesy but its true, I still remember the last words we spoke to each other:
"Will you remember who I am?" - me
"Yeah of course I will?" - her.
Then why did she stop talking to me? And why only srnd me one birthday card? I'd never admit it to anyone but you (because you don't personally know me) but it hurt.
Anyway change of topic. MCR. My Chemical Romance. They are the people that have changed my life, really. There has been so many lies going around about their "cult" status but they have never once told me to hurt myself. Their messages are messages of hope, of light in the darkest of days, and helping people like me through some tough times. Honestly listen to the words of Welcome To The Black Parade, look beyond the skeletal figures, the black costumes and the scary make-up (or at least ask yourself why they are there) and listen to the message, what they are actually saying.
Another final message to all those that have commented on my blog, thank you it really does mean a lot to me. Do you know what I did yesterday? I had my blade in my hand, put it to my skin, and didn't cut. I know it may not seem like a big deal to you but it is to me. I came so close but turned around and decided not to do it. Maybe I'm finally turning over a new leaf but I know its not over yet. This leaf just so happens to be made of lead. But I think I can do it, I know I can do it, though it may take a bit of time. Big huggles and smoochies to you all.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY: Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
