...days of my life. Me and my dad had another arguement. Natasha said that if I was a cutter I should have used a sharp knife on my wrist and at least done it properly. My dad didn't see this as a cause for concern yet somehow saw it fit to argue with me because I told her to shut up.
He's been picking at me all day since I got home from school, ah school. First GCSE exam on Wednesday and this is the sort of environment for revising I get. If I go to my room I get "Denise, youre being anti-social" yet if Im downstairs its "Go to your room if youre going to act like that."
He just came in here to tell me off and told me how useless I am. Why is it that all it takes is one sentance from him and its enough to have me fighting back tears? And why is it that I always lose this fight?
I just dont get where I went wrong? What does he want from me? I've given all I can.
He said he didn't want me always out on the street with my friends so I threw away my social life (that time I went out with my friends binge drinking was the first time I'd been out since I was 12), I have no friends outside of school and about 4 inside school, He wanted me not to let boys get in the way of my future and for that reason alone I've never had a proper boyfriend, He said crying is only ever done for attention and that it shows weakness so I try to find other ways to deal with it. He said I needed to lose some weight, I weigh a whole 12 stone and Im only 5 foot 8 (I am quite muscly 'coz I used to be a gymnast) and since then I haven't been able to bring myself to eat anything more than a handful of nuts when I am starving for about 2/3 days.
I'd do anything for him but there is one thing I cant do, and thats pretend that Im okay with Natasha because I'm just not, she psycholoically (sp?) screws with me and either no one else can see it or no one cares, From all that Ive told you in this blog since I started it can you honestly tell me where I have went wrong? Please.
Im too upset to even think straight let alone come up with something silly.
